Pizza Thursday
Filed Under Dale Cooper, Food
Yahoo Finance tells us that
Domino’s Pizza announced today that it is changing its pizza recipe in just about every possible way. “We’re basically relaunching Domino’s Pizza,” said Russell Weiner, the head of marketing for Domino’s.
I’m not sure which is the more interesting aspect of this article – that 1. Domino’s is risking their mega-success by actually trying to make their awful, awful pizza better*; or 2. Russell Weiner. Weiner! His name is Weiner. I love you, internet.
Is there good business sense in trying to improve crap that already sells despite its immense crappiness? Probably not. I understand why Hardee’s introduced Thickburgers and famously jettisoned the rest of their menu (only to sneakily bring most of it back a short time later). They were a sinking ship. A massive overhaul and public mea culpa was needed (and that didn’t stop the location right by my house from closing anyway).
But Domino’s is still making money hand over fist. Michael Bay makes shitty movies and Stephanie Meyer writes shitty books, but you don’t see them changing their formula. Why? Because explosions and glittery vampires put the butts in the seats, that’s why! America likes its glittery exploding vampire pizza. Don’t let misguided integrity or wounded pride lead you into a New Coke-style mistake, Mr. Weiner and cohorts. Or if it does, I hope you’ll rebound with Domino’s Classic in a couple of months.
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* Suggested Domino’s motto: “Carp and carrion birds wouldn’t eat our pizza, but you will, because it’s cheap!” I also suggest this motto for CiCi’s Pizza, whose hideous three dollar buffet would be a ripoff at half the price.
